By Dr. Bryan Pearlman
If you’re a parent, educator, or mental health professional, you’ve probably asked yourself at some point:
Most adults are raising children while also unlearning patterns from their own upbringing. That can feel overwhelming, but it’s also an opportunity for growth. You don’t need to be a perfect parent, teacher, or caregiver. What matters most is being present, consistent, and willing to grow alongside the children you support.
Below are 15 practical, research-informed ways to raise emotionally healthy, resilient, kind, and compassionate kids, while doing some healing along the way.
Children are more open to guidance when they feel emotionally safe. Before correcting behavior, pause and ask yourself: What is my child trying to communicate right now?
Connection builds trust, and trust makes learning possible.
Children can’t manage feelings they can’t name. Go beyond “happy,” “mad,” or “sad” and introduce words like frustrated, disappointed, nervous, or excited.
Emotional vocabulary builds self-awareness and reduces emotional outbursts over time.
Kids learn more from what we do than what we say. How we handle stress, conflict, and mistakes teaches children how to handle theirs.
If you want calm, respect, and kindness, practice it, especially when it’s hard.
Discipline means to teach. It works best when it’s consistent, fair, and delivered with warmth, not shame or fear.
Logical consequences help children learn responsibility without damaging self-esteem.
Instead of focusing only on outcomes, highlight effort, persistence, and problem-solving.
Praising effort builds resilience and encourages kids to keep trying, even when things feel difficult.
Struggle is part of growth. Children need space to solve problems, make mistakes, and build confidence.
Be nearby. Offer support. But resist the urge to rescue too quickly.
Adults make mistakes too. When you overreact or miss the mark, acknowledge it.
Apologizing teaches accountability, repairs trust, and shows kids that growth is lifelong.
Age-appropriate choices help children feel empowered and reduce power struggles.
Simple options like “Do you want to start homework now or after a snack?” can make a big difference.
Boundaries are not harsh, they’re protective. When paired with empathy, boundaries help children feel safe and supported.
Clear limits teach self-regulation and respect.
Big emotions aren’t bad behavior, they’re signals. Anger, sadness, anxiety, and frustration are all part of being human.
Teach kids healthy ways to express and process emotions rather than suppressing them.
Connection doesn’t require big moments. Small, consistent rituals matter most, bedtime talks, car rides, shared meals, or after-school walks.
A simple daily check-in like “What was the best part of your day?” can strengthen bonds.
When a child is upset, start with understanding, not solutions.
Saying “That sounds really frustrating” helps kids feel seen and heard before problem-solving begins.
Children are more likely to open up when adults respond calmly and without judgment.
Your reactions today shape whether they come to you tomorrow.
Mistakes are how children learn. Respond with curiosity rather than criticism.
Questions like “What did you learn?” or “What would you try differently next time?” encourage growth.
Supporting children often brings up our own past experiences. That’s not a failure, it’s an invitation.
Doing your own emotional work helps you show up with more patience, empathy, and clarity.
No one gets it right all the time, and that’s okay. Parenting, teaching, and mentoring are about progress, not perfection.
Start small:
When adults do the work, children benefit for a lifetime.
Let’s raise a generation that knows how to feel, connect, and grow.
Dr. Bryan Pearlman works with parents, educators, youth, and organizations to create mentally healthy environments and strong emotional connections.
📍 In-person and virtual services available
🌐 STLmentalhealth.com
📧 bryan@stlmentalhealth.com
📞 (314) 942-1147
Dr. Bryan Pearlman holds a Doctorate of Education (EdD) from Maryville University, a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Louisiana State University, a Master of Education (MA) from Lindenwood University, and a Bachelor of Education (BA) from the University of Missouri.
He is a former school principal and teacher, keynote speaker, adjunct professor of educational psychology, and co-founder of the nonprofit Distinguished School of Mental Health & Wellness (DSMHW).
Dr. Pearlman is the author of several books, including:
He was named a 2026 Top 30 Global Guru for leadership in mental health education and training.
