By Dr. Bryan Pearlman
If you’re a parent, educator, or mental health professional, chances are you’ve wondered:
Most of us are trying to raise emotionally healthy children while unlearning old patterns ourselves. The good news? You don’t have to be perfect—you just need to be present, consistent, and open to growth.
Here are 15 essential tips for raising kind, confident, emotionally intelligent kids (and doing a little healing along the way).
Kids are more likely to listen when they feel safe and connected. Before jumping into discipline, pause and ask, “What does this child need right now?”
✅ Learn more about trauma-informed parenting at the Child Mind Institute.
Help kids name their feelings beyond “mad” or “sad.” Teaching emotional language builds self-awareness and reduces outbursts.
🛠 Try using visuals like The Zones of Regulation to explore emotions in a child-friendly way.
Children learn by watching. If we want respect, kindness, and calm—we need to show it, even during stressful moments.
📚 Educators: Explore SEL (Social Emotional Learning) tools at CASEL.org.
Discipline means to teach, not to shame. Use logical, consistent consequences with warmth.
💡 Learn more at Conscious Discipline for home and school settings.
Instead of “you’re so smart,” try “I’m proud of how hard you worked.” This builds intrinsic motivation and resilience.
🔁 Grow a strong mindset with tips from Mindset Works.
Kids need opportunities to solve problems, fail safely, and learn grit. Be nearby, but let them figure things out.
When you yell, overreact, or make a mistake—own it. This teaches accountability and builds trust.
🧠 Healthy modeling helps kids develop emotional security.
Offer age-appropriate choices to empower children and reduce power struggles.
🌱 Visit Zero to Three for early childhood development tools and strategies.
Boundaries aren’t harsh—they’re protective. When paired with connection, they teach respect and self-regulation.
Crying, anger, anxiety—these are not “bad behaviors.” They are signals. Normalize feelings and teach healthy ways to process them.
🧰 See NAMI’s Family Resources for support on children’s mental health.
Simple routines like bedtime chats or after-school walks deepen emotional bonds. They don’t take much time but create lasting impact.
🔁 Try “high/low” daily check-ins: “What was the best part of your day? What was the hardest?”
Instead of jumping to solve, start by listening.
“That sounds frustrating. Do you want help problem-solving or just someone to hear you?”
💬 Emotional validation builds self-esteem and trust.
Children are more likely to confide in adults who respond calmly. Your reactions shape their future willingness to ask for help.
📞 Immediate support available at the 988 Lifeline – call or text 988 for 24/7 mental health help.
Mistakes are learning opportunities, not proof of failure. Respond with curiosity, not criticism.
“What did you learn from that? What could you try differently next time?”
Parenting, teaching, or supporting kids will bring up your own childhood experiences. Let it. Then do the work.
🎯 Find a licensed therapist at Psychology Today or explore support at Mental Health America.
We won’t always get it right—and that’s okay. Parenting, educating, and mentoring are journeys of progress, not perfection.
Start with one small shift: more empathy. More listening. More modeling.
The next generation deserves adults who are doing the work. And so do we.
Let’s raise a generation that knows how to feel, how to connect, and how to grow.
Dr. Bryan Pearlman works with parents, educators, youth, and organizations to create mentally healthy environments and strong emotional connections.
📍 In-person & virtual services available
🔗 Visit STLmentalhealth.com
📧 Email: bryan@stlmentalhealth.com
📞 Call: (314) 942-1147
Dr. Bryan Pearlman holds a Doctorate of Education (EdD) from Maryville University, a Master’s of Social Work (MSW) from Louisiana State University, a Master’s of Education (MA) from Lindenwood University, and a Bachelor’s of Education (BA) from the University of Missouri. He is a former school principal and teacher, keynote speaker, and adjunct professor of educational psychology.
He is the author of multiple books including:
Dr. Pearlman is co-founder of the nonprofit Distinguished School of Mental Health & Wellness (DSMHW), and was named a 2024 Top 30 Global Guru for leadership in mental health education and training.
